Your Best Moment

So...tonight, just recently I had a friend ask me if it would be possible for me to draw a picture of my best moment---either something that has already happened to me, or something that I would like to happen, as in my "ideal" best moment. It was one of those conversations where I did my famous thoughtful expression, eyebrows bunched and my head titled to the side as if I'm literally trying to find a way to weigh and balance a new thought. I found myself withdrawing, traveling backwards and deep inside of myself. Closing a curtain to the outside world so that I could focus on what was inside and gaze at memories and different ideas.

Hmm...what WAS my best moment?

Or at least a best moment? My friend told me that his best moment, at least during the time his teacher gave him and his class this assignment during school years ago, was when he scored a touchdown for the first time. He didn't know he scored until he looked into the stands and saw everyone cheering for him, and he felt this sense of shock and amazement over something he had done. I could, and still can, understand that.

It made me think of when I started drawing again after a year's break when I was in 8th grade. I wanted to try something new and instead of using colored pencils, I simply used pencil and paper and drew a picture. What began as a mere image, a small experimentation became what would be my "style" and a huge breakthrough for me as an artist. The same amazement my friend felt over a touchdown, I felt after one picture was created. It was more beautiful than I thought it would look, and no I am not conceited but I almost couldn't believe I had made it. Yet, I did.

However...I am not quite sure if that is my "best" moment. I am still contemplating it. I think that as people, we all have moments in our lives that are great, even if they are small...and I think for myself, personally, I can be so critical of myself at times I forget them. There were moments where I was honest when I could have lied and I know those were best moments...moments where I helped someone with pure intentions and not for the sake of wanting to be rewarded, or expecting it....and when I did consider my moments where I was awarded something for high grades, art, or writing, those strangely did not seem to suffice for me.

Anyone can earn an award. To me at least. An award, a piece of paper, a medal, is so small. Almost trivial in my mind, though I understand the meaning of them and what they represent. I don't think my times of recognition or having an award given to me is a "best" moment---though when I think of those times, I think of the people who were the ones handing me the award...my 7th grade History teacher who knew of my potential and encouraged me, my 8th grade English teacher who believed in me, my high school Art teacher who believed I was talented and didn't want to see me give up art (my art mentor is included in this), and there were awards for music and basketball...and the day I received my White Rope here on base and the person who gave it to me (Simona).

Thinking about those things allowed me to see that I did have great moments, and I was able to understand what mattered to me. While awards were nice, it was the people that were there that made each and every moment special.

Once I thought about that, I entered another room of my mind to think about the other part of the question. What about the future? What would I ideally want my "great" moment to be in the future? There are many things that I would like a great moment to be in the future, and again a lot of things that people seem to care about...well, I don't. I didn't picture a large house, fancy car, money raining from the sky all year around...

For a moment, I almost couldn't picture anything. How am I to know what the future will bring? Or what I will want and when my desires will change and shift? The thing is that I don't...

Which is why it is "ideal", Liz. Duh.

So, haha, with that being said I thought some more about it. Hmm. I think an ideal great moment, for me, would be becoming a professional artist/animator/writer. Just...doing what I truly enjoy and love. And if I should go a step further, doing what I feel I was born and designed to do. I remember feeling ever since I was...8 or 9 that I had this purpose in life, that everyone had a purpose and we weren't here to waste time in life, but to live it. As I grew older I began to realize that a lot of people had no idea what that meant or even thought about it, or about the same things I did. Over time, I felt this threatening fear of not finding my purpose in this world.

At one point it got so bad I vividly imagined myself dying, crossing the threshold into the After Life and whatever Higher Power that exists sitting me down in a chair and asking me to describe my life to them. In full colorful detail I would do so, proud of myself maybe or unsure, however the end was the same---this mighty, wise, strong Higher Power would listen and then shake its head when I was done. Then, they would proceed to pull out this map and tell me how I overlooked my purpose at certain turns, how I didn't truly live my life...even though I had been alive and eventually died.

I can laugh at this idea now, lol, but at the time it was like some sort of reality check. Could I be happy with the idea, or even the reality if that was to really happen, that I had lived my life and missed out on what I was truly meant to do? The answer was an absolute no. Soon, I found myself thinking every day on what my purpose might be. What I may be meant to do.

It took me to join the military to fully realize and appreciate the fact that it's going to be art-related. Imagine that. I know for sure that revelation was definitely a GREAT moment.

What else about the future? I think a great moment I would like to experience in the future is when I fall in love. Not a summer love, or the fake kind, or the kind to a total idiot...but something lasting, strong, kind, and...I suppose what I could sum up as "wonderful". I know it sounds cheesy and cliche, but I don't care. I think falling in love, or loving someone, is one of the greatest experiences in the world...and love is one of the greatest emotions in life. Why wouldn't I want that to be a great moment for me in the future?

So, so far I would like to have love, my purpose discovered, and I think in the end knowing I had an impact on others in some positive and even inspiring way. The impacting people would be awesome, never mind great :). Like I said before, in each great moment I've had in my life it was because of who I shared that time and moment with. I would like to think that some day when someone looks back on their life and discovers a great moment, I happen to be in the snapshot of that memory.

What about you? What are great moments you had in the past, and what are some great moments that you would like to experience in the future? Dream, wish, and hope...none of these things are ever done in vain.